On Telemarketers and Blame Claims

Fucking telemarketers piss me off! Automated or not, I find it just as obnoxious.

Now, I get that people are often just doing their job and maybe it was the only job they could get but I have completely run out of fucks to give. Today I have had at least 4 automated calls regarding PPI and pensions, at least one after I had already requested to unsubscribe from the service, and at least 3 people calling me. In 5 minutes I had two calls from the same blame claim company 'regarding my road accident in the last three years'. I had one of these last night and told them I was pretty sure they were looking for Mr Gofuckyourself but it seems they haven't got the message.

So, the first of the two (these people actually have my name so thanks whoever sold them my details) just got my usual response of 'Go fuck yourself' but when my phone rang again only minutes later I was somewhat annoyed. It went something like this:

Teletwat: Hello can I please speak to Mr FwF?
Me (annoyed): Speaking
Teletwat: I'm calling regarding your road accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault. 
Me: What road accident are you referring to?
Teletwat: The road accident that wasn't your fault and because the other driver was at fault some money has actually been put aside for you.
Me: Which accident, describe it to me, because unless you can tell me which accident you mean, you're talking shit. 
Teletwat: there's no need to swear, sir. 

That's where you're wrong, Teletwat. There is plenty of reason to fucking swear! I'm sick of these cunts wasting my valuable time with their shit. All blame claims companies are scum to start with but the fact that they so strongly encourage people to file frivolous law suits sickens me. 

As it happens, I did have a road accident on the 1st of November 2011 when I locked the back wheel of my motorbike and got run over by a truck. In February of 2012, not long after I'd regained the ability to walk without crutches, I got a letter through telling me I was being sued by the truck driver to compensate him for soft tissue damage and muscle pain. Apparently the poor dear had to take a week off work. Bear in mind, the back six inches of my 200 kg bike clipped the front of his 44+ ton truck, there was no damage to the vehicle and he said at the scene he never even felt it, which he repeated to my boss when he visited my work to see if I was ok on the evening of the accident.

I can only assume that someone encouraged him to make that claim. Of course, he really sued my insurance company but it was my name on the suit. Adding insult to injury, his description of the accident on the suit was mostly fictional and painted me as if I was riding dangerously which I certain was not. The police would have done me if I had! I begged my insurance company not to pay but I bet they did to avoid court. Cowards. 

And that's the problem. People file these frivolous, opportunistic suits and the insurance companies just pay, because it's easier. Then all our premiums go up. It's a fucking disgrace.

I think I'll buy a whistle. Lets see how well they can make calls with busted ear drums. 

How I spent 2011/2012

So, you may have noticed that I didn't post very much last year. I don't have any good reasons for why not but I thought I would catch you up on my life. So act as if you give a shit.

In March 2011 I bought a motorbike. I kept meaning to write a post on here about how great it was but I never got around to it. Then, on November 1st 2011, I locked my back wheel in traffic and went under an oncoming truck. Which was unpleasant. The truck went over my left foot and it's only thanks to the bike boots I was wearing that my foot didn't become a squishy mass of pulp. As it was, I only sustained a minor break in my calcaneus (which is the heel bone to anyone not up to date in their ancient languages) which astounded the hospital staff. I spent only four days in hospital. My bike, however, was not so lucky. She was totalled.

R.I.P Suzie II. 

Man, I still miss that bike. I get a little teary eyed every time I see an SV now.

So, I rang in 2012 on crutches but well on the road to recovery, swearing I would buy another bike as soon as I was healed. I'm yet to do so. It would be a lie to say I'm not at least a little scared of getting back into the saddle but I think a lot of it is that I'd never be able to really replace that bike. She was my baby.

In January of 2012, my sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Ivy, my niece.

A very happy Uncle.

Me and my better half also

I have spent much of the rest of the year working on an album of metal/hard rock and trying to start a career as a voiceover. I also moved house in February 2012 to a nicer neighbourhood.

I'm hoping that in 2013 I will write more on this blog, finish my album and maybe get booked for some voiceover work that's not supplied by the production company I work for...

Oh, I also amassed nearly 5000 karma on reddit. Don't act like you're not impressed. Thinking about it, in explanation for my prolonged absence I could have just written "discovered reddit" and fellow redditors would have totally understood.

On the Safety of Criminals

Author's Note: Once again Monday has rolled round and I have nothing prepared. I am working on a good one that will have diagrams and everything, I promise. For now, here's a post about a news article I read this morning.

Last night some scumbags broke into a motorbike shop in Altrincham and drove away on £20,000 worth of motorbikes.
Police were called to the break in, saw the aforementioned scumbags fleeing the seen on the motorbikes, radioed for instructions and were told:

Don't chase them as they aren't wearing safety equipment or helmets.


What. The. Fuck.


 Supt Steve Nibloe, of GMP, was quoted as saying:
"The officers were asked not to pursue the suspects, as they were not wearing the correct safety equipment and were not wearing helmets, so it is clear to me the correct decision was taken."

No, Steve, it absolutely fucking wasn't. I don't know about you but, personally, if one of these fucking thieving little cunts fell off one of the stolen motorbikes and killed themselves, I would call that karma. If they choose to break into a shop and steal motorbikes then they have chosen their path. If they die whilst fleeing the scene, good.

Criminals have too many rights in this modern age. The law has been totally skewed so that the health and welfare of a criminal is put ahead of that of the victims. Like if some son of a bitch broke into my house and I kicked the fucker down the stairs and he broke his neck there is a damn good chance I would get done for it when he came onto my property and got injured in the course of committing a crime.
During the course of a crime and any ensuing chase, criminals should have exactly zero rights of any kind. Between commencing the crime and being taken into custody it should be a free for all where any victim or bystander can do what they like.
For instance, you're driving along and you see some prick nick and old lady's purse. You should be allowed to run the bastards over! Purse is returned, scumbag is caught. Where's the problem? If they get injured or killed then who cares. They had it coming the moment they chose to mug an old lady. The world will be better off without them.

There has been cases, more in the States than the UK, of burglars injuring themselves whilst robbing somebody's house, suing and actually winning the fucking case! Any judge who would allow that to happen should be removed from the bench immediately as they are clearly a moron with no concept of right and wrong.

In conclusion, fuck criminals and anyone who thinks that the rights of a criminal are more important than the rights of a victim. If that's you, I advise you take a long, hard look at your life.
Imagine if the victim was you or one of your family members. Would you rather be able to defend yourself, regardless of the outcome, or just have to sit back and let the criminal do as they wish, even if that means dying yourself?

I know what I'd pick.