Dear Tory Voters

I cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am in all of you.

There's simply no way that nearly 40% of the population are millionaires so I can only assume that some of you are middle or working class and yet you voted for the Tories. I won't act like I can even begin to understand why you would do such a colossally stupid thing.

But it's happened now and we're all in the same sinking boat. Apart from all the millionaires, obviously. They have helicopters.

Already, Cameron and his rich friends are trying to take away our human rights and strip the most needy of benefits. They've even appointed a known bigot as Equalities Minister!

After already wasting huge sums of money on a completely failed and pointless top down restructure of the NHS during the coalition years (money that could have gone to patient care) and after working out deals to sell big chunks of our health service to his rich friends, experts are predicting a slow death for the NHS. After all, it's not like Cameron and his Eton mates need to use poor people health care, is it? If they have no use for it, why should it exist?

Besides, with the Tory attitude to food banks we probably won't need it, as the poor people will have starved to death anyway. They'll need to do it on the street though, because the Tories will have sold off all the affordable housing.

Oh and they'll most likely start their own version of the NSA as well, as it was the Lib Dems that stopped them before. I wouldn't be surprised if the Great British Firewall comes back, too, because how can us dirty poor people be expected to know what is good for us? We need the nice millionaires to tell us how to lean a good, clean life. After all, politicians would never be involved in anything so depraved, would they?

So, when you're medical bills mount up and force you into bankruptcy and you lose your house, only to discover there is no no safety net and no affordable housing left and that even the food banks are gone, I hope you will think back to that day in May when you voted Tory and know that it is your fault.

You, personally.

You did this.

You asked for this.

You voted for this.

You have only yourself to blame.

An open letter to the cock on the motorway

Dear Cock,

I was behind you tonight on the M6. It was pitch black and out in the middle of nowhere, with a light rain falling.
Ahead of me was an expanse of road and darkness, dotted with various auto mobiles, including you.
I was driving along at some miles an hour, in the inside lane, where I should be. You were just ahead of me and there was a truck in the distance. I assumed you were probably going to want to pull out to overtake, but as you weren't going all that fast and were still reasonably far away from the truck, I figured I had plenty of time to go past you safely.

Once the guy overtaking me had gone past, I pulled out to overtake you. There was still loads of time; I'd planned well in advance. It was at this moment you decided to pull out to overtake the truck, which would have been fine had you bothered to indicate. Instead, you thought it was appropriate to sort of drift out into the middle lane, meaning I had to swerve into the outside lane to avoid you. Slamming on the brakes was not an option, as sharp, high speed braking on a wet road next to a cliff is a recipe for death.

Luckily, it was fairly quiet on the road and there was nobody in the outside lane. I had checked my mirror before swerving, to be sure. If there had been another car there, I would probably have slammed on and taken my chances. The last thing I would want to do is put another motorist in the position you put me in.

I don't know exactly what kind of car you were driving, as it was dark and I was too busy not crashing into you, but it was silver and probably a Ford Mondeo. After I managed to get past you alive, I flashed my indicators at you, hoping I might remind you that those yellow flashy things on the side of your car are not just fucking decoration. If I hadn't been paying attention, we would probably have both ended up at the bottom of a Scottish valley in a twisted pile of metal.

I hope you noticed. I hope you realised what you did. I hope you had that sick-to-your-stomach, shaky-knee feeling. I hope it makes you think more in the future. However, I fear that's wishful thinking and it's far more likely that you didn't even notice. You will probably go on being an oblivious cunt until you kill somebody. Maybe then you'll learn.

There were several idiots on my long journey home this evening and you were by far the worst. I hope I have the good fortune to never encounter you on the road again.

Yours faithfully,

FwF